Confessions of a Bad Speller

While playing a FALLOUT themed D&D game, my friends and I came up with the joke “Death Claus,” a play on the Death Claw monster. He is Santa Claus’s evil twin and exact opposite…by the end of the night this is all the information we gave to him.

1. He is a surly, clean shaven, skinny man who wears nothing but a pair of speedos and a french beret.
2. He lives in the South Pole with a group of belligerent Giants.
3. He drives a flying tank with rockets strapped to the back.
4. He has a group of Fainting Goats reigned to said tank, however the moment the engines fire up they immediately faint causing them to dangle from the flying tank helplessly.
5. He usually visits in the middle of the summer, usually around Memorial day, although its hard to tell because he can’t quite do his work in one night and often visits several times within any given week.
6. He shows up in the middle of the day, sometimes during dinner.
7. He enters your home by breaking the glass and unlocking the front door.
8. He travels to homes around the world to steal toys from children.
9. He forces you to leave out Rum and Pancakes for him…that is why his tank flies so crookedly.
10. He doesn’t bother keeping a list, often times leaving him to make the mistake of visiting the same house twice.
11. He is not aware of anyone’s moral or immoral activities throughout the year, nor does he care.
12. Every year thousands of fake Death Claus’s appear in DMV’s across the world to sit on your lap so he can tell you what he’s going to take from you this year.
13. He had a similar fainting goat to the famed Rudolph but shot him because it was a clear day outside and “red noses ain’t natural.”
14. He is featured in an annual ad campaign featuring a painting of him drinking a Pepsi and giving the middle finger.

…it is heavenly…although there is one downside. Due to it’s shape, curvature, and luster, it’s like showering with a live feed of myself showering, as if shot by a high angle hidden camera…

About a month ago I bought a brand spanking new Waterpik showerhead for $35. I’m talking a real sweet one.

Since then I’ve been fighting a loosing battle with the old showerhead, trying to get it off the neck and whatnot. I’ve tried WD 40, I’ve tried Liquid Wrench, I’ve bough crecant wrenches and vice grips…all have failed.

Today, with the assistance of CLR and a “probobly way too tight for the finish” setting on the vice grips…I got the bastard off.

Now, I can’t wait to strip nekked and run up into the shower to try it out.

If that sheet of paper holds the “Patriot Act” then absolutely nothing can beat it, not even a second piece of paper that holds the “Constitution” on it.

If you absolutely MUST know…

It’s finally done!! Moving on to page 2!!

As per usual AVERY LIBRARY is fighting me every step of the way to get finished…what’s worse, is that it’s getting to that usual step where I have to fight myself as well just to get things done. Fighting that little internal voice that says “this is taking too long,” or “this is too hard,” or “maybe we should try finding a colorist/ect.”

The inking stage is far more frustrating than previous projects, mostly because there’s far more to color, but also because I’m not all that happy with the results. Perhaps that’s because I’m not a colorist? I dunno.I’m trying to go for this dark and dingy drabish hue to everything. So far I haven’t had much luck.

I’m starting to think maybe I should start looking at other work for inspiration/help on this. The first of which that comes to mind is Rikki Simmons, especially since that the work of Jhonen Vasquez (with whom Rikki has done multiple work) is a primary influence on me. Who knows, hopefully that will help move things along.

Either way I won’t know until tomorrow seeing as I work late tonight, which isn’t really a big deal on its own, but coupled with the fact that I’ve been in a very dark mood the past couple of days just makes every little inconvenience to my life all the more frustrating.

Oh…and my car is getting worse. Still not sure as to whether it’s starter motor or the ignition. I’m like 99% sure it’s the starter, but as I’ve said before. I’d hate to spend the time and $150 to replace a new starter and it be something else entirely. And before you say it, I’m NOT going to a mechanic. I don’t care, they’re crooks. Unless it requires a car lift or an air gun, you can do everything they do yourself and not have to pay whatever insane amount of money they charge for labor. Trust me, this is coming from a guy who replaced his own radiator.

Stuff in the news is starting to get to me too. Things that I really shouldn’t get worked up over because there’s nothing I can do about it…but still.

Stuff like an entire line of alchoholic energy drinks being banned because a couple of idiot kids (who were underage btw and shouldn’t be drinking ANYWAY) got themselves killed. What’s worse is that it’s not even a matter of responsibility. I don’t think at any point during this fiasco anyone even bothered to say, “they got drunk and did something stupid, case closed.” Instead they’re all freaking out over something that is no worse than a Vodka and Red Bull.

I heard on the radio this morning the most idiotic argument…

“It’s like drinking 5 or 6 beers, and instead of getting sleepy the caffine keeps you up and makes you want to drink another one.”

…and???? So they drink the equivalent of 12 beers big deal. A friend of mine…drank 3 in one night…3!!! And guess what, he’s still alive and the only stupid thing he did that night was…well, drink 3 of these things. Hell, one time he and I shared 3 Newcastle Mini-Kegs between the two of us in a single afternoon. I once drank a large flask of 92 proof rum, 2 pbrs, and four long island iced teas spiked with extra rum in a matter of HOURS!!! HOURS!!! And lookie, I’m still alive! But OH NOES!!! THESE KIDS MIGHT DRINK 12 BEERS!!!

I’m not sure who to blame for this. I’m inclined to blame my own party, but really it could go either way. Neither party is good with telling the public that their fears are stupid and unfounded and that they should shut-up and get on with their lives. But like I said…nothing I can do about it, so what’s the point…

Ugh…today is definately a “super bad for me but super delicious latte” day. Let’s hope I don’t drink one and fall off the pier during rounds and ruin lattes for the rest of the country. Lord knows it’s now more than a possibility.