B-Dubbz Terror-Fest: Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers
This movie reminds me a lot of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON, minus the completely badass opening sequence.
For the bulk of the movie I’m bored to tears, I cringe every few seconds at the painful, and awkward attempts at humor, central characters are so out-of-character it’s laughable, the ending defies all logic whatsoever, and I find myself asking “why is any of this necessary, and why do I care?”
Well, like DARK OF THE MOON…none of it is at all necessary. It’s really just an excuse to have another Halloween movie out in theaters. Don’t bee fooled by their attempts at weaving any kind of story…the whole thorn thing was just a tool to open up for a sequel and to drag people into theaters out of some perverted sense that the need some kind of closure on the series.
Once Jamie’s sister is killed, you’re left with a random assortment of characters that you know absolutely nothing about. Some girl named Tina is her replacement as Jamie’s protector for the remainder of the movie…and we’re told nothing about her other than the fact that she somehow knows Jamie and her sister. All the other teenagers are basically fodder in the same vein as a FRIDAY movie. They hold a very loose connection to the main characters, have little to no development themselves, and therefore have no impact when slaughtered like pigs.
The most disturbing thing is how wildly out of character Loomis is. At first, you can chalk it up to the fact that Loomis is tired, and just wants this all to be done with. He’s willing to do anything to stop Michael…however, there are limits. I think everyone can agree Loomis would NEVER put a 12 year old child in danger, especially not by using her as a human shield/bait against an emotionless Psychopath. Just as I would think everyone can agree that no matter which Megatron you are referring to…he would NEVER be anyone’s bitch…PERIOD.
Also…if he’s so desperate to kill Michael…WHY IN GOD’S NAME DOES HE USE TRANQUILIZER DARTS ON HIM INSTEAD OF BULLETS?????? SHOTGUN HIS ASS IN THE FACE!!! IN THE FACE!!! IN THE FACE, OLD MAN!!!!!
Ugh…then we’re subjected to Michael Myers in jail…yeah, you heard me. That’s right up there on the ludicrous meter alongside Superman in the hospital. It’s stupid…it makes no sense…so why the hell do it?
It’s hard to believe that it can get any worse from here on out…but trust me it does. The sixth movie is so bad…even I don’t own it. Yeah…me, the guy that owns HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION, it’s that bad.
Now, there’s another HALLOWEEN movie on the docket but I don’t own it on DVD but rather VHS, so I’m going back and forth as to whether or not I should add it into this marathon. I don’t see why not…screw it. Up, next HALLOWEEN H20!!
Re-arranged the livingroom yesterday. Tired of feeling like things are either all cramped together or stuffed in a cardboard box. I’ll tell you something. You really don’t have an appreciation for how many DVD boxed sets you have until you’re trying to find a place for them. Thankfully the area underneath my entertainment center seems to work just nicely.
I’ve also decided that I have enough room in my DVD storage cubes to sort in my Blu Rays with regular DVDs. It’s just easier that way, and it saves a lot of space. Of course, I need to re-alphabetize everything to do so but…eh, it’ll be worth it to have everything safe and compacted.
The next step is to move my surround sound speaker to it’s own separate tower instead of chilling on my computer desk. I’m also hoping to be able to put my coffee table books in said tower as well. All my Calvin and Hobbes collections have been rather disheveled as of late. It’d be nice to have them all on hand for when I care to browse through them again.
I think it’s about time I start sending out some Reccomended Listening. I mean…I’ve got over 32 gigs of music, I live and breathe the stuff…and best yet, my taste is so eclectic that I’ve bound to have something for everyone to listen to.
So where do I begin? Well, that’s quite a task. There’s plenty of albums you need to be listening to. It’s really hard to pick a starting point. I guess the easiest thing is starting with the top 5 albums I’ve bought this year. Yeah…that should do it. Get ready, cause here it comes!!
#5 OH! Inverted World- The Shins
Favorite Tracks: Caring is Creepy, New Slang, Girl on the Wing, Know Your Onion!
If you’ve seen GARDEN STATE, or even a fan of SCRUBS really…you should know about this band already. If not, you’re missing out.
The Shins are those indie guys you know. Not that super pretentious ones that hang out at Starbucks, but the wicked cool ones that like to have a good time. At least, that’s how you feel when you listen to this album.
The music is extremely mellow, something you could easily lay back with a good book and relax to. It’s also got that raw sound I love so much. The guitars are almost entirely acoustic, the drums have little to no processing, and everything has this delightful reverb to it that makes the band sound distant, as if playing beyond through another time.
#4 In Search of Truth- Evergrey
Favorite Tracks: Rulers of the Mind, State of Paralysis, Different Worlds
It really kills me to put this so low on the list. It really does. But the fact is, this is not my favorite Evergrey album. If I had bought “Inner Circle” this year, this list would be turning out much differently.
Still, this is an amazing album. Evergrey remains one of my favorite progressive metal bands, second only to Nevermore. With only a few missteps on their discography, this is their second concept album, the other being Inner Circle.
What makes this CD so amazing to me, and why it’s on this list, is—aside from the amazing music of course— is the fact that it is essentially a concept album about the singer being abducted by aliens. …you heard me right.
I know what you’re thinking…this can’t possibly work and be taken seriously. Well, just give it a listen…then see how wrong you are.
The vocalist has always been known for his voice, and his ability to really put everything into each song. This gives the concept more credibility. He’s not over-the-top about it at all, he’s just passionate enough for you to actually take the concept seriously. The addition of strings and piano gives the album a real eerie feel to it throughout, which again, adds credibility. The final icing on the cake however, is the interludes of the main character recording his experiences through a tape recorder.
Buy it, love it, thank me later.
#3 Till the Sun Turns Black- Ray Lamontagne
Favorite Tracks: Be Here Now, Barfly, Can I Stay
I was never one for the likes of Carly Simon or Simon and Garfunkle or Beck, or any other folk artist really…until Ray came into my life.
I first heard him on PANDORA, the source of many of my discoveries, and instantly fell in love.
Everything about this album is exactly what music should be at it’s core…simple. No pro tools effects, no layering, no auto-tune, none of that garbage that is overflowing the market these days. Just an artist, a guitar, and a microphone.
Ray’s voice is so different from what I’m used to. Raspy, yet so soothing, like someone whispering a song in your ear. His songs aren’t really about anything special, the standard, but what grabs you is the passion behind it. You really feel what he’s talking about, which may not seem too special, but think of it this way. Can anyone REALLY say they can feel whatever the hell Lady Gaga or Kanye West is saying? No…because it’s all garbage. Let’s get drunk and have sex…that’s about the brunt of it. Ray…he’s just a guy. A guy like you or me…unless you’re a girl of course.
But again, it’s the simplicity that really gets me. It reminds me that music doesn’t need all the things we’re so used to now. It just needs a voice.
#2 Never Take Friendship Personal- Anberlin
Favorite Tracks: Never Take Friendship Personal, Symphony of Blase, Dance Dance Christa Paffgen
I don’t know how to classify this genre, mainly because there are so many conveluted terms and changes in sound for genres these days. I’d call it Emo, but apparently Emo doesn’t sound like this anymore and what I think as Emo is now Punk…but when I think Punk, I think The Sex Pistols, and the Ramones…but apparently that’s called Hardcore now. WTF???
iTunes calls it “Rock,” so I guess that will have to do even though it doesn’t really fit for me. To me, just calling something “Rock” is a cop-out. At any rate, Anberlin could best be described as guitars over high-toned vocals…and it is great.
This is my go-to album in the car. I can listen to it all the way through and start all over again and be happy. The hooks are catchy as all hell, the guitar work is quite good despite it’s heavy Green Day-ing (aka power chords.) The thing is, it kind of works, because they can change it up so well without you even thinking about it and in the end it sounds great.
I think the real game breaker for anyone is going to be the singer. Personally, I like him, but his voice is kinda…off, like it’s right on the edge of cracking most of the time. When he yells, he gets better, but when he sings…which is most of the time, is really the problem. Again, I like him, but he might not be people’s cup of tea. All I’m going to say is give this album a try, it’s got some real gems other than it’s over-played single “Paper-thin Hymn.”
#1 Lights Out- Antimatter
Favorite Tracks: Everything You Know is Wrong, The Art of a Soft Landing, In Stone
This album is number 1 on my list for one reason only aside from how awesome it is…you have NEVER heard anything like this before.
I can’t even really describe this band and possibly give it justice. I own two of their albums and still haven’t come up with an adequate description of them but I’ll do my best.
Antimatter is Trip Hop, slowed down, focusing on producing a very moody atmosphere to accentuate the vocals. This particular album is even more moody and slow than the second album I own “Savior.”
It’s dark, it’s woeful, and sometimes it can give you the shivers just listening to it. I imagine this as the music one might make if forced to sit in the middle of an empty field at 3am. It’s cold, and the wind is making a sound against the trees and grass that almost sounds like someone is creeping up on you. But the most important aspect of that whole scenario that comes through into the music…is how alone you really feel.
So there you have it, my first set of Recommended Listening albums! I’ll probably be posting more at some point. Not anytime fairly soon…but keep an eye out. I’ve got some more great albums that you NEED to be listening to.
B-Dubbz Terror-Fest: Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers
Now, I think I’ve finally found the definitive problem of the Halloween sequels…they lack subtlety.
The first movie was all about it. Michael would be in the background, but not in a super obvious way, and if you saw him, it was for a split second. In fact, there was only one instance I can remember when they cut to a over the shoulder shot of Michael staring at someone.
He was strong, sure, but not “ram someone through the chest with a shotgun barrel” strong. He was resourceful, but he mainly used a kitchen knife. His movements were deliberate and slowed…but he did hurry when need be.
The main point being, in the later movies, the filmmakers seem to have confused him with Jason Voorhees.
Out of all the “Jamie/Thorn” trillogy, this one is actually the better of the three believe it or not. There’s not much good to be had in this one sadly. It’s entertaining, but that’s about it. The only shining light in this film is Donald Pleasence, who seems to be the only person in these movies anymore that understands the characters. My favorite scene is when he finds Michael in the gas station…absolutely perfect.
If you’re a bit of a slasher nerd like myself, you’ll end up buying this movie anyways, thankfully…you won’t have to pay too much for it. For everyone else, just skip 4 through 6 and go right on to H20…you ain’t missing much.
**UPDATE** How could I forget!! There’s an amazingly bad continuity…no, not even continuity error, just an overall “someone f*cked up” error in this movie. In the scene where Michael throws Loomis out of the window in the schoolhouse, the mask has BLONDE HAIR…BLONDE! Now, that’s just plain lazy.
A cast-iron skillet is, no matter what anyone else my say…yes even Alton, is best cleaned with a steel scour pad and water after the skillet is allowed to cool. Don’t worry about stuff sticking to the bottom, that’s what the scour pad is for, and don’t worry about damaging the skillet. It’s cast-iron, and it can handle just about anything you throw at it short of temperature shock…which is a very, very, VERY bad thing, hence allowing it to cool before applying any kind of water.
More expensive is not always better, especially with meat. One of the best steaks I’ve had was a $5 Chuck skillet steak from Stop & Shop…it all depends on how you cook it.
140 degrees is the magic number for steaks and pork. NO EXCEPTIONS…that is, unless you like dry, tough steak and pork chops.
In regards to cabbage and cabbage-cousin vegetables (brussel sprouts, etc) Dry cooking methods are more pleasing to picky palates. Don’t like brussel sprouts? Try roasting them in olive oil, salt and pepper instead of steamed and give them a second chance.
Recipes aren’t always right. Use common sense. If you know something tends to stick to the cookware, but the recipe doesn’t say to lubricate…do it anyways. It’ll save you time cleaning afterwards.
There’s ALWAYS TIME to let food rest before serving.
Grapefruit spoons aren’t just good for grapefruit. The prongs on the tip and curve of the spoon are excellent for getting the flesh and seeds out of Jalapeno peppers quickly and painlessly.
KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID!! You don’t have to always eat like Emeril Lagasse, a well seasoned pork chop with mashed potatoes and frozen corn is just as good a dinner as anything on the Food Network…and easier on your wallet too.
Box Dinners are the devil…they’re expensive and loaded with sodium.
FREEZE, FREEZE, FREEZE!!! Have leftovers but don’t feel like eating the same thing every day for the next few days? Freeze it! Soups, chilis, lasagnas, pasta sauces, even gratins and cassaroles can be easily frozen and re-heated later. Don’t be afraid of the cold thing below your refrigerator, it is not a monster, it is your friend.
I’m pretty sure the only people who still know who Bootsy Collins is are BUCKETHEAD fans. That being said, these commercials are severly lacking in badass guitar licks and endless references to TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.
B-Dubbz Terror-Fest: Halloween III: Season of the Witch
This movie gets a real bad rap…don’t let anyone talk you out of seeing this movie, no matter how adiment they are.
Ask anyone about this movie and why they say it’s terrible and they only have one defense for their ludicrous claim…”There’s no Michael Myers.”
It has nothing to do with the movie itself, and everything to do with the fact that they can’t get beyond the fact that this movie was out to try something different. And so…people hate it blindly.
If you step away from the fact that it’s not a Michael Myers story, it’s an extremely enjoyable Horror movie.
But of course, I may be a bit biased for a number of reasons. The primary being that this is a Horror movie that really pays off if you are any kind of fan of Celtic culture, specifically the druids.
Aww yeah, the druids. The original Wikkens. Only there was no dressing in black, no pretentious nerds whining about mother Gia or whatever…no, the Druids were badasses. They were artisans, musicians, holy men, and and naturalists all rolled into one.
Sure, they sacrificed some animals and the occasional person…or two, but hey, they needed to make sure the harvest was good lest everyone starve.
The fact that the villain in this movie is out to bring back old Druidic practices to Samhain (he even pronounces it properly!!!) fills me with glee. Add that to the fact that the movie pulls no punches by straight up murdering children, and you got one bad ass horror movie.
As far as I know, there’s only one print of the movie still in circulation. You can find it for $5 or $10 at Walmart, and believe me, it’s worth it. It’s a bare bones DVD, sure, but then again, I’m not one for special features…but the upconvert on your BluRay player is absolutely outstanding. I mean, my god…it’s right up there with 30 DAYS OF NIGHT in my opinion, rivaling some of my legit Blu Ray movies (oh DARK KNIGHT, I’m so dissapointed in you.) The only real gripe I have is that it only comes in 2 channel Stereo audio…I know it’s a bit much to be asking 5.0 Dolby Surround on a $5 bare bones DVD, oh well.
So please, I’m begging you. Put Michael Myers out of your mind, pop this movie in, and treat it like any other horror movie. I promise, you’ll love it.
Go to cancel my preorder for the HIMYM Suitjamas and the CBS stores is running me through hoops in order to do it.
I’m not entirely positive my request went through, it’s acknowledging I have an account, but none of my usual passwords are working…and when I go to reset the password, says something like “bad url” and gives me a new reset link…and the process repeats itself.
So here’s hoping it went through…the more I think about it, and despite how awesome the suitjamas are, I can’t justify spending $115 on pajamas.
Recently I’ve discovered just how old I’m getting. It really kinda snuck up on me you know? I’m not really sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, it’s a good thing, I know it is for reasons that will become apparent to you soon…but on the other hand. I look around at my friends and everyone else around me having fun, and I find myself wishing I could be like them again.
But…I just can’t…
It all comes down to money. Yep…the grand equalizer. The thing that made me discover how old I am, is that I find that I am no longer spending my money with reckless abandon like I used to. Like, I was out of control…seriously.
DVDs, Video Games, 3rd Part Transformer Figures…you name it. I bought it.
But now…DVDs are a process of heavily interrogating myself as to how much I’ll actually watch it, Video Games are SEVERELY limited to Christmas Wish-lists and Tax Refund purchases, and 3rd Party Transformer figures…well, let’s just say I no longer find it at all justifiable to spend a ton of money on a single figure unless under very special circumstances.
And yet…whenever I go to a friend’s house and watch them play SKYRIM, or watch a YouTube Video of Peaugh fiddling with the latest Hercules release…I find myself yearning for those days of reckless abandon. I actually have to calm myself down and remind myself that I have bills to pay, food to buy, a gas tank to fill, and next year’s Vacation to save for.
That doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying my old hobbies like I used to, quite the contrary. I’ve got $100 saved up for the new Transformers: Prime retail releases, and I’ve been spending a fair amount of time with Professor Layton while everything under the sun reminds him of some obscure and delightful puzzle…I’m just making sure every purchase counts I suppose.
Like I said, I’m sure it’s a good thing that this is happening. But damn do I feel old…and besides. SKYRIM looks badass…
Recently, I’ve developed a morning routine to allocate my time better. I started to realize that my mornings were being wasted by trolling the internet aimlessly and I was starting to leave for work later than I should be.
What I came up with, not only allows me time to myself, but also gives me enough time to take care of chores, make lunch, and have a quiet cup of coffee all in the span of an hour and a half…
7:00-7:10 Wake up, Brush Teeth, Feed Cats
7:10-7:30 1 Episode of Kamen Rider Kabuto
7:30-7:45 Download Next KRK episode, eat breakfast
The sequel to the original masterpiece is almost always ragged on widely. The only credit it’s given is that it introduced the idea that Laurie is Michael’s sister.
However, I feel that there is still more enjoyment to be had out of this film. Sure, it in no way lives up to it’s predicessor, but it’s still a decent horror film.
And yet…there are a few nitpicks to be had.
The movie makes good use of Loomis and his attempts to track down Michael after shooting him off the balcony. The first issue I have comes here…where the movie picks up right were we left off.
Literally the last thing we see is Loomis looking down on the lawn where Michael was to see he was gone. The look we are left with is one of “I knew this was going to happen.” However, in the beginning of Halloween II, he’s freaking out over the fact that Michael is A) Gone, and B) Took six shots and lived. It’s a tiny nit-pick I know, and you wouldn’t really notice it unless you’re hardcore like me, or watch them back-to-back.
The rest of the movie continues on pretty smoothly. We get some nice kills out of the mix, and the guy playing Michael (while certainly no Nick Castle) is actually quite good. The mask is the same mask, and is the better looking of all the sequel masks we will get in the franchise. BUT…
Nit-Pick #2…Michael is sporting the popped collar and you can see his eyes for most of the movie. In the previous movie…the same exact night that this movie takes place…he had a turned down collar and his eyes were dark holes in the mask. Again, I noticed it because I’m a nerd…you might not be bothered so much by this.
Nit-Pick #3…SOWWEN!!! IT’S PRONOUNCED SOWWEN!!! YOU SAY IT IN THE NEXT DAMN MOVIE FOR GODSSAKE!!!
I quite enjoy the setting inside the hospital. It gives us a nice, dark, closed-in maze for Michael to stalk in. You never know where he’s going to show up next, and the lighting is done amazingly well.
Nit-Pick #4…I seriously doubt ANY hospital is that empty at night. What was there like 3 nurses and one security guard on duty?? And worse yet, what idiot didn’t make sure a doctor was on duty that the only guy they could get was a drunk fresh off the country club?
Nit-Pick #5…the editing sucks. Unless you’re an editor, you wouldn’t get it even if I tried to explain the reasons why to you.
Really, I guess I like this movie so much because it’s the more tolerable of the Halloween sequels that involve our friend Mickey. I have no gripes with the third film, but that’s getting ahead of myself.
Now…once again, in regards to the Rob Zombie Halloween 2 movie…it sucks. This time, it’s due to the fact that you have no effing clue what the hell is going on. White horses, angel visions, Michael dressed like a hobo…nothing makes sense. Oh, and they make Loomis a dick in this one too…yeah…don’t mess with Loomis. Loomis is the MAN!
First thing’s first…regarding the Rob Zombie remake…it sucks. It’s an inconsistent mess that isn’t sure what it is.
But to be fair to Rob…he had a lot he had to live up to.
The original Halloween is a work of art. No questions asked.
Sure it has everything that an independent film has plaguing it, poor acting, bad dialogue, etc. But, this film succeeds in spite of all that, and transcends beyond the horror genre and becomes nothing short of art.
Of course, I am thoroughly convinced that this film wouldn’t be nearly as powerful without the soundtrack.
The simplistic piano tones and limited synth brings a chill down your spine. The slow downward spiral as the notes become lower and slower until all you’re left with is something vaguely resembling cicadas. The sounds of a fall night…
What else can I say really? You can’t mess with the original.
Again, Rob had a lot to live up to, and given that he did an ok job. Hell, it could have been a lot worse (see NOES 2010 remake.) He just wasn’t sure how he wanted to portray Michael, and that was the biggest downfall.
In the original, you knew what Michael was…evil. That’s it. There was no need for a background on him, no character development, nothing. Everything you needed to know was related through Dr. Loomis…and that was that Michael was nothing short of a vessel of evil. He didn’t even MOVE while in the hospital, he just sat and stared at the wall.
Rob on the other hand went back and forth. On the one hand he established Michael as a troubled boy in a troubled household that after he slays his sister and father, holds no concept of what he had done at all. As the movie goes along, he withdraws more and more until he becomes the Michael we know him as. To me, this makes it feel like Michael is more of a product of being incarcerated and away from his mother…which is lame.
No one can convince me that this is better than the original. But then again…I never was a big fan of Rob’s “every character lives in filth and is a horrible human being” way of storytelling. Maybe that’s just me.
At any rate, go watch Halloween, and if you can grab the Blu-Ray. It looks so pretty!
Once again I find myself watching something because the internet demanded it…and by internet, I mean three or so twitter and YouTube peeps I follow. Of course, it was easier to get me to watch it because it was something I was already into at one point in college.
That’s right, I slinking back to things of my college days…which can be very dangerous territory. I was such a tool back then I try not to dwell on college stuff too often unless its some kind of memory that includes my friends…who I miss like hell btw.
Anyways…enough suspense, it’s KAMEN RIDER. Specifically, KAMEN RIDER KABUTO.
According to these individual, the one I need to be watching is KAMEN RIDER W, but, since I had a thing for KABUTO back in the day, I kinda wanted to finish this series first before I sought out others.
So far it’s just as delightful as I remember it…however, there are some thing that now bug the crap out of me now that the “Otaku Goggles” are off.
Let’s face it, when you’re an uber nerd of something, you tend to gloss over it’s shortcomings. In college, I was *shudder* an Otaku…so I was blinded to these little things. Now? They drive me nuts.
The biggest thing is how goddamn annoying Tendou’s sister is. My god…if that girl doesn’t shut up I’m likely to reach into the computer and shove that damn backpack of hers down her throat. The wimpy Zect agent isn’t much better, although from the looks of things, he does grow up a bit in the next episode, which is good because despite his annoyances I do feel for the guy.
Another thing that just weirds me out is a question that’s been nagging at me with each passing episode…
What kind of budget do they have for these shows???
Seriously…they’ve got CGI, explosions, dropping cars from cranes, 5 million costumes, tons of working props, custom built bikes…all for a KIDS’ SHOW!!
My god…is this what Japan does with their money???
…I’d complain, but…hell, it’s damn good entertainment.
Like any warm blooded human being with half a brain…I hate Michael Bay.
He’s a hack…and there’s no two ways around it.
So when I saw this movie and it was actually tolerable…down right outstandingly good…the world as I knew it made no sense to me anymore.
How is this possible?
It’s a horror reboot? Why is it this good?
Well, for one thing, the series had nowhere to go but up. The franchise was stuck in a horrible stagnant mess with no hope of redeeming itself. So they had no choice but to reboot it.
Still…as much as I hate to praise something that had any relation to Michael Bay, a significant amount of the credit goes to the filmmakers themselves. They knew exactly what they were doing and it shows.
What they proposed was simple…take Horror back to its roots. Slashers…no more torture porn, no more found footage, just good old fashioned horny teens getting cut up into little pieces.
But that’s not all…we need to make it scary again. Make it dark, make it foreboding. Take more cues from the original film where the scariest part was NOT seeing the killer. Get Steve Jablonski to steal the Halloween music write some creepy music. But best of all…make him a man, but also a monster.
A monster isn’t scary anymore. It’s based in fiction, fantasy. But a man…a man who is strong and furious and bloodthirsty as a monster…a man is reality…and THAT is scary.
If you haven’t seen this movie…well, I understand your apprehension. I mean, it IS by Platinum Dunes…and their track record is spotty at best. But try and remember the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE reboot and not the NOES reboot…then your confidence will be rebuilt.
Trust me…you won’t be dissapointed.
Well, that closes out all the FRIDAY movies…but we aren’t quite done with franchises yet. We’ve got another horror icon on deck…and although it’s November, it’s going to feel like Halloween very soon!
Ok, despite my affection for this movie…I can freely admit that it’s one of the worst in the entire series.
It’s a bland, last resort, cookie cutter horror movie set in space.
…but I still love it. And furthermore, I will fully admit that my love for the movie comes entirely by his costume, and how absurd the last 10 or so minutes of the film are.
Let’s start with the costume…well, let me specify first…the FIRST costume. Thankfully, the movie continues the tradition of throwing continuity out the window, and we are greeted with a very intact looking Jason, as opposed to the bloated tick Jason we saw in the previous film.
In my opinion, this is the second best Jason get-up in the entire series. The first goes to A New Blood. But why do I love it? Well, it’s all the mask baby. That modernized hockey mask is so gorgeous I want to have babies with it. It fits so well for the character, and better yet, allows Kane Hodder to show of just how badass an actor he is with limited facial work. Then there’s the big-fat, chain around his neck. Awesome.
If it weren’t for the costume, the entire first 80 minutes of the movie wouldn’t feel worth it for me. But that last 17? Oh boy…
I love absurdity. It tickles me pink and gives me an inexplicable joy in my heart. So when the science bot gets an upgrade to be a war machine and starts fighting Jason…my heart starts to stirr…When Jason gets the upgrade to Uber-Jason, it begins to whistle a bubbly tune on it’s lips…but when he starts punching his way through hulls of spaceships and rides the blast of explosions to propel him towards the escape shuttle…that’s when my heart sings.
It’s a thing of beauty really. It’s so bad, so ridiculous, so absolutely absurd…that I own this movie, and will continue to do so for a very long time.
I really want to love this movie…I really do, and not just because it’s another claymation movie spawned from the mastermind behind Nightmare Before Christmas.
There are pockets of genius here, and it’s definately a Tim Burton movie…and when I say that, I mean a CLASSIC Tim Burton movie, not a Tim Burton movie from the last few years or so. Let’s face it folks, he’s lost it. All that magic that we used to love…is gone.
Sweeny Todd was “passable”…nothing more.
Alice was an atrocious mess…
and I’m not at all optimistic about Dark Shadows…he doesn’t do remakes and sequels well. I think Planet of the Apes and Batman Returns are proof of that.
Back to this movie. Like I said, it has pockets of genius and the classic Tim Burton magic. It reminds me a lot of Beetlegeuse, which is one of my all time favorite movies. However, the movie staggers in places, and comes to a screeching halt the moment it starts to get interesting which is a crying shame.
The Corpse Bride herself sadly, isn’t all that interesting. At least, not until later on in the film. At first she comes off is ditzy and whiny. The real turning point is the piano duet.
Which brings me to the music.
Now, for as much as I love Tim Burton…I love Danny Elfman just as much, which is why I was so dissapointed with the music in this movie. Well, the songs to be specific…the score is beautiful. The only song I really like is “Remains of the Day.” It’s the only one that doesn’t seem sloppy and rushed to me.
Like I said…I really want to love this movie. But…every time I decide to give it another chance (I’m at it’s fifth chance right now) I’m still dissapointed in what I see.
Dammit Tim Burton, damn you and your inconsistent greatness…
Oi…what is there to say about this movie? They failed in every way conceivable.
The costume sucks…
The story is horrendously stupid…
Jason isn’t even on screen for most of the movie…
And it’s clear that someone finally got a copy of pro-tools…or whatever the 90’s equivalent is.
Really, I think the biggest problem with the movie is the franchises move to New Line Cinema and namely, into the hands of Sean S. Cunningham.
These are the same people responsible for FREDDY’S DEAD…and it shows. The movies, look, and feel very similar. I dare say it was also shot, light, and edited by the same people as well.
Aside from the whole, “we’re not watching Kane Hodder” thing, they take the whole focus away from the central theme of the franchise. The bread and butter of any Jason movie, is having Jason slowly picking off people in the background while the other characters desperately try to figure out what’s going on. Now, we’re centered on the civilians far too much.
Also, In this one, Jason just feels too focused…less like a walking corpse killing everything in sight, and more like a thinking, purposeful creature…which is not what we’ve been used to the past few movies.
Really, the only redeeming aspect about this movie is the opening sequence, which is so absurd, so ridiculous, that it is one of those things that you can’t help but love. If you haven’t seen it, you need to at least watch the opening sequence. You’ll thank me.
Now, let’s talk about the multiple horror references. Throughout the movie we get references to several horror movie franchises, the most obvious ones being EVIL DEAD and NOES…sparking the FREDDY VS JASON franchise. But, there are some more subtle ones too like Halloween and some that I know is a reference but can’t quite put my finger on the source. Why is this done? The far more subtle ones are fine…but did we really need to have the Necronomicon in the Voorhees house? Is Jason a Kandarian Demon?
Why do film studios insist on putting an answer to their horror icon’s origins? It never works out, they’re all some stupid bullshit reason.
…put in HOUSE disc 4, season 4…hoping that it’ll be more tolerable than the rest of the season…you know, as far as horrendous writing and ridiculous scenarios spawned from the utter lack of creative ideas.
…the first two episodes are called “House’s Dead,” and “Wilson’s Heart.”