Confessions of a Bad Speller

From GAMERA

Japanese Soldier: “Sir, the plant has been destroyed!”
Crow: “I told you to water that plant! You’re Fired!”

From ESCAPE 2000

Mike: “Oh, I’m shot then you trip me, great.”

From NIGHT OF THE BLOODBEAST

Mike: “Stupid wall, stupid wall, *sobs* stupid wall.”

From THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE

Tom Servo: “Lucy I’m home, LUCY!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!”

From ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE

Tom Servo: “Oh, is your Batmobile in the shop?”
Crow: “Shut up…”

From FINAL SACRIFICE

Crow: “I think this sacrifice is going really well.”

From WEREWOLF

Crow: “GOODBYE JOE!”

From VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS

Crow: “Hey, it’s Keanu Reeves on bass.”
Mike: “I will go to Count Dracula.”

From THE WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN

Tom Servo: “END!!!! END!!!!”

From OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK

Crow: “Hooray for Socks.”

This year for Christmas I got my much coveted Cuisinart Burr Mill coffee grinder and of course I immediately ran out to get the strongest bag of whole beans I could…I’m a coffee fiend mind you so my pallet has come to snub anything weaker than a French Roast.

After opening the box, the first spot of trouble reared its ugly head…a one-page set of instructions that completely fails to explain their definition of the word, “cup.”

Now, up until recently, I have always considered a standard coffee mug a “cup” of coffee. Silly me, because apparently most true brewers use a standard 6 oz as a “cup.”

So, what is Cuisinart’s definition? Well, I decided to start with the laymen’s definition and go with a standard mug. The result…a cup of hot, brown, water. Nowhere near coffee.

Ok…so let’s try this again. Let’s go with the 6 oz setting…NOPE, wrong again.

It’s become clear, by the amount of coffee being spat out that even though they say “cups” they are portioning in 1 tbsp per “cup.” So, even though you set the dial to 4 cups, you are really only setting it to 2 cups, or 1 standard mug of coffee.

Even then, when set to the recommended grind setting, the coffee was weak…far weaker than any respectable French Roast would be on the worst of days.

So now, it’s just a matter of trying coarser and coarser settings until I get it perfect…unfortunately, checking online reviews have not made me optimistic in success, nor in the future of my beloved machine.

Apparently, not only does this mill have issues with inconsistent grinds, but it also has a nasty habit of frying the motor anywhere between 2 to 8 months after first use.

Please god no…do not do this to me. This is the only burr mill in my price range (most others run $200-$400)…I have come so close, the dream of the perfect home-brewed cup of coffee is within reach. Do not snatch it away.

Been playing it for the past few days or so, and so far the only complaint I have is that I have no idea what’s going on…but that’s mostly my fault, seeing as I didn’t play any of the previous games and due to the character I chose to play, I blew through the opening tutorial.

But, it’s not just the backstory either, and again, it may be my fault, like maybe I’m missing something or whatever but I have no clue who any of the gods are…which ones are good, which ones I need to watch out for. Right now I’m on a quest for a god that I assume is bad news bears just by the way he talks to me…but other than that I had no idea who he was going into it.

Although really, it doesn’t matter either way as I plan on betraying him and taking the axe he asked me to bring him for myself anyways.

Also, apparently I’m a vampire now. I have no information on it, like if and how to cure it, or even how to feed. All I got was a prompt saying “you get a thirst as the sun goes down.”

Where I kind of like the fact that I don’t know how to cure it, it makes the game more immersive and makes me feel like I really AM my character, It kinda sucks that I don’t know how to feed.

Other than that, it’s an amazing game. Beautiful in every way you look at it, and it allows me to be the character I want to be…an orc monster that doesn’t give a crap about the Stormcloaks or the Imperials but instead just wants to wander around Skyrim, killing many and looting just enough.

I can’t tell you how many bandit camps I’ve stumbled onto, only to decimate the entire population in a matter of seconds. My Warhammer is a thing to be reckoned with. My only bane being magical creatures and trolls…god, those trolls.

So, after a fruitless effort of getting my early upgrade date bumped up a day so I don’t have to go out on Christmas eve…it looks like I have to go out on Christmas eve.

According to the website tho, Best Buy is open at 7am, which means as long as I get up early enough, the process of getting a new phone won’t consume my entire afternoon.

The obvious downside to this of course is getting up that early. Ugh…I just have to remember, I have a whole week after this to sleep in.

What phone am I getting? So glad you asked! I’ll be getting the Droid Razr by Motorola. Why not the Nexus? Well…frankly, most people who buy the Nexus are buying it so they can say they have the new Android software. If they actually looked into the phone at all, they would have known that the Nexus has flimsy construction, and apparently is having massive screen issues.

The Razr, on the otherhand, is made with aluminum and friggin kevlar. No flimsy construction there. Then you have the 8 megapixel camera (compared to the Nexus’s lousy 5 megapixels) and the Razr’s superior call quality. When you actually take the time and compare the two, it’s a no brainer, especially since the Razr will be getting Ice Cream Sandwich eventually anyways.

Sure I could go with one of the free phones, but I’ve had it with buying outdated phones. The last time I did that it barely lasted 6 months before f*cking up on me.

Well, wish me luck tomorrow. Not only do I need to get the phone, but I need to get a screen protector, a car adapter, and all that good crap.

I just listened to “Narcasisstic Cannibal” from your new album and have a simple request of you…

Fucking Die.

Sincerely,

A severely disillusioned, now ex-Korn fan

Thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised with the results. Of course, it has its issues to be sure. Namely, the forced High School drama, giving you 2 dimensional, asshole characters you couldn’t give a sh*t less about…a complete turnaround from the first movie.

This movie also suffers from a common plague of horror movies…a new cast of characters who know jack about what’s going on. Which means, you’re forced to sit through a recap of things you already know.

Some movies handle this better than others. Sadly, this movie lets this recap drag on for the entire second act, forcing you to sit through the vision scene where the psychic explains the legend, the eating scene where the kids see that it eats to repair itself, and the “omg this thing is effing weird” scene where they discover it has wings.

Really, you can ditch the entire second act…actually, the third act isn’t so great either. It has plenty of action, but not a lot of substance. Actually…now that I think about it. The whole movie kinda sucks. It’s not, soul crushingly terrible, it’s just not very good.

If you ask me, this is not how a sequel to a movie like this should be handled. No, if you want to make a sequel to this movie, you have to go the ALIENS route.

What made ALIENS work so well was that the recap was extremely brief. The movie was like “ok, you know what these things are, we don’t really need to tell you again. Instead, we have a bunch of characters that have an idea of what to expect, and are out to blow the living crap out of it.”

JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 should have followed a ragtag band of Creeper hunters. They kind of did this with “Guy from Twin Peaks“‘s character, but he was only the “B” story…no, you make that the establishment as to why there are the Creeper hunters.

Have the movie be the hunters following the Creeper from area to area, trying, and failing, to stop it from feeding on throwaway extras.

Sadly…I’m not a screenwriter, and hollywood doesn’t read my blog. So I guess that means we have to suffer through mediocre crap time and time again until I get off my ass and start writing again or hollywood actually starts giving a crap about what kind of movies they make.

You know that feeling when you just slid a from-scratch Lasagna in the oven and you sit down to wait for your heavenly reward…

…oh, wait. Is that just me then?

Huh…well, not to brag, but it’s pretty ballin’

I’m considering submitting some designs to Threadless for some extra cash. I have two pre-established designs in mind, and then a couple of ideas in the old noggin. Let me know what you think, I’d appreciate your input…

Option 1: “I am the Night”

Option 2: “From Where I Sit”

Tomorrow is Monday, here is my current pro/con list on the subject…

Pro: Sleep will take me soon.
Con: I have to wake up in the morning.

Pro: I get to watch a KAMEN RIDER KABUTO episode once I wake up.
Con: But after that I have to go to work.

Pro: Tomorrow marks the very last video needing for edit for the year!
Con: Immediately after, I have research to do for another one.

Pro: But after that, I get to write another script
Con: This means another long day sitting with a stiff back.

Pro: I’m making Lasagna for dinner!!!
Con: Lasagna is labor-intensive

Pro: My first night in a while where I can kick back and not have to do jack sh*t.
Con: There’s no new HIMYM episode to watch

Pro: I could always watch 30ROCK on the Instant Watch
Con: Netflix still sucks

Pro: This pro/con list has deteriorated rather quickly, hasn’t it?
Con: Shut up, you’re making that wall over there wobble…you know, the fourth one.

Pro: Do we have any beer in the house?
Con: No.

Pro: Damn.
Con: We have bourbon though.

Pro: Sweet!
Con: Indeed…