￼Every once in a while I do things out of obligation…really being bullied into it by various influences, but mostly the internet.
God damn the internet. It has got me to do more things I end up regretting than alcohol.
Doctor Who (that’s right, come get me)
and More Anime shows than I care to admit…
SCOTT PILGRIM is just one more thing on the list. Thrust upon me by so many rabid fans until finally I got the point where I threw up my arms in submission and threw this DVD on my Netflix cue to let fester like the forgotten lunch in the back of my high school locker.
It became buried under more important things, piles upon piles of things, and was eventually forgotten. Finally, Graduation day came and time came to clean everything out. One by one I took things off the top of the pile, not really taking notice of what was underneath, nor preparing for it. Instead I just let things pop up unexpectedly until finally I hit the bottom of the barrel…the petrified gym shorts (SPEED RACER), that old comic book that’s now crumpled beyond recognition (PUSS IN BOOTS,) and of course…the forgotten lunch that I didn’t want in the first place by was forced upon me anyways (SCOTT PILGRIM.)
My avoidance didn’t just stem from the movie being forced upon me…
I can’t stand manga and anime anymore. I really can’t. There, I said it. Chastise me if you must, but goddammit does the stuff repulse me.
Anyways…I’m getting off topic. The point being I really wasn’t looking forward to this movie. But dammit, it surprised me. Sure it’s not fantastic, but at the same time it’s intriguing.
The visual style is what has me most intrigued. Everything else…meh. I dunno, it seems waaaaaaaaay too hipster for me. Quirky…perhaps a bit too quirky. The best way I can describe it is GARDEN STATE meets Joss Wheden…but only a little bit of the latter and a whole heap of the former.
This makes for a veeeeeeeeeery slow movie, with lots of awkward moments where you’re not really sure whether you’re supposed to be laughing or not.
Then there’s Michael Cera…he just sucks. He really does…but having never seen ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, I never was a big fan of his to begin with.
The thing that’s frustrating is that I love character exposition…when it’s done well. This is not what I would call good character exposition. Perhaps something was lost in translation from the novel to the movie. I don’t know, I’ve never actually read them.
But I’m sure there are people screaming at me that I’m over analyzing this movie. Maybe I am…but hell, I’m not saying I hate the movie. I don’t…I just don’t think it’s as good as everyone said it was. Which is ultimately the result of everything I’ve been pressured into watching.
GURREN LAGAAN (or however the hell you spell it) was nothing special…
PANTY AND STOCKING tried too hard…
and DR WHO…just wasn’t my thing, so sue me.
As for SCOTT PILGRIM, it’s flawed, but intriguing. I’d be interested in reading the graphic novels at some point. Perhaps not anytime soon…but no worries, it won’t be another thing lost in the depths of my figurative high school locker.
I started seriously working out with my friend this week. My wimpy old regiment was cast aside for a far more intense work out…something that will actually get me results.
Here’s the current schedule setup:
MONDAY - Shoulder’s and Light Benching WEDNESDAY - Dead Lifts, Shrugs, Pull Ups, and Curls FRIDAY - Heavy Benching
I’ve been through the first few days and can feel a big difference. I can actually feel the burn the day after. Sure I’m sore as hell, but at least I know what I’m doing is actually having an effect, unlike my old regiment.
I’m anxious to start seeing some results…but I’m realistic, I know it’s going to take a while. Still, I can’t help myself. The fat guy in me is totally stoked at the idea of being jacked as hell. I know it’s somewhat shallow…but I like having a positive self-image. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing to have. Besides…I’ve always had weak body strength, I’d like to actually be at a point in my life where I can consider myself even somewhat strong. More vanity…but it’s important to me for some reason.
I dunno. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t also thinking about the implications this could have for my romantic life. Although it runs the risk of my attracting more shallow women…
This whole thing is a double edged sword that I have yet to figure out how to handle.
While I’ll have a better self image…I run the risk of becoming an arrogant prick. While I’m getting more exercise…I’m sore most of the time. While weight gain powder will help with my results…it’s expensive.
The most former is my biggest worry. In fact, it’s something I’ve been struggling with since I’ve lost my weight. I’ve been walking the fine line between allowing myself to be proud of my hard work, and bragging without even knowing it.
Or I could be over-thinking things…which I have an abundant tendency of doing. Who knows…
THE WOMAN IN BLACK is the story of a real estate lawyer with A.D.D. who loses his job because he keeps chasing ghosts instead of doing his job…
Not really, but kinda.
I really wanted to like this movie. It was everything I’ve wanted in a modern horror film. Slow paced, a traditional old-fashioned “ghost story,” a haunted house, all set in the victorian era.
Sadly, this movie falls flat on it’s face all thanks to that plague upon all Hollywood films…the dreaded, the evil, the insidious…”studio notes.”
You could see the good movie in this…it shone through the mountains of studio notes that called for cheap scares, fake outs, and other such horror movie cliches. I’m just glad they stopped short of the “he’s the kid” plot twist that could have very easily been done. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case.
Also the ending is very clunky and anti-climactic…but other than that, all problems with this movie could be stemmed from studio notes. It had a neat setting, the look and feel was spot on, and once you realized that you weren’t getting some retarded plot twist, you were genuinely interested in what was going on with the ghost.
But, I’ve ignored the gorilla in the room for long enough. Let’s talk Daniel Radcliffe.
He was actually quite good in this, a bit bland, but that was due to his character. But the best part was the fact that my brain wasn’t screaming HARRY POTTER with every scene. In fact, I’m proud to say that during the entire hour and thirty five minutes of this movie, I only made a single Harry Potter joke. And quite frankly, when you are able to dodge such a strong potential for type cast…you ought to be commended. So, bravo to you Daniel.
…I suppose it helps I don’t give a flying f*ck about Harry Potter, and that the last one I saw was ORDER OF THE EMO WIZARDS, or was it ORDER OF THE PHEONIX? I can’t remember, it was a long time ago. The point being, Harry Potter ain’t my cup-o-tea, so that probably contributed to Daniel’s ability to transcend typecast.
This is going to be a short review, but really, there isn’t much else to say about the movie. It’s bland, it’s weird, and very forgettable. But hey, at least it’s better than DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK…*shudders*
Looking at my Transformers collection, I’m noticing places where I can significantly trim the fat. Whether it be pieces that I no longer am interested in, or figures that I bought on a whim and they never really did it for me to begin with, I’ve got a lot of things that can go.
I’ve yet to decide how I want to do it exactly. While I’m slowing down significantly on the whole Transformers thing in general (Prime just aint doing it for me) there are a few pieces from previous lines that I wouldn’t mind having, so trades are always an option, but cash is always nice too. I’ll let you know what I decide, anyways, here’s a short list of items by line I’m thinking about getting rid of…
Armada Deluxe Class Hot Shot
Energon Deluxe Class Towline (Weapon Missing Radar Dish)
Energon Deluxe Class Hot Rodimus (No Weapon)
Spiderman (Helecopter from 2 pack)
Iron Man (Plane from 2 pack)
MOVIE 1 Deluxe Class Arcee
MOVIE 1 Deluxe Class Dropkick
MOVIE 1 Deluxe Class Payload
ROTF Scout Class Ejector
ROTF Scout Class Hubcap
ROTF Deluxe Class Dirge
ROTF Deluxe Class Cromia
ROTF Deluxe Class Arcee
ROTF Deluxe Class Mudflap
ROTF Deluxe Class Skids
Deluxe Class Terradive
…I’m also thinking about getting rid of the few KRE-O sets I have too, I only really wanted them for the little Kre-on dudes…but as I can imagine that’s the same reason other people bought the sets, I can’t imagine much luck getting rid of them minus the Kre-ons. We’ll see how it goes.
If anyone is at all interested in trades or anything feel free to send me a message. There’s very little I’m actually interested in trading for, mostly because all I really want is a ROTF Bruticus set for my FP Munitioner and Explorer…and I don’t see anyone trading me that for anything on this list.
B-Dubbz Revues: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
I’d like to quote a line from MST3K if I may…
"The movie that provides more ‘huh?’s per minute."
It all starts at the very beginning, when you are introduced to Gibs and Jack escaping jail, talking about the search for the Black Pearl…but then you meet a one-legged Barbosa. This is when your brain says…
"Huh? I thought this was supposed to be a prequel?"
Well, apparently not…and apparently Barbosa lost the Pearl and has become a Privateer for the King of England…for some reason, and has lost a leg…as a plot device. Once you get past the first shock, immediately comes the second, at least if you’re someone like me who’s memory of the last two films are a haze of boredom and excessive eye-rolling.
"Huh? Barbosa had the Pearl?? So, what happened at the end of the last movie again?"
Well, don’t look to the movie for any kind of recap, you won’t get one. There’s not enough time to establish a continuity or develop story-line, there’s a lot of needless choreographed sword fighting to do! So god help you if your forget why Barbosa is alive, why Jack and Gibs are without the Pearl, and especially what’s the deal with Jack’s compass, because he uses it a lot in this film.
And that quip about needless action wasn’t just a joke…I counted, in the first 23 minutes, you get three, extremely long, exceedingly unnecessary, action sequences…one of which involves a pastry puff…no, I’m not kidding. Throughout these, you are given the “plot” in bits and pieces. Just enough to remind you “oh, right, I’m watching a movie” but not enough to make much of any sense.
The next “huh” comes soon enough…
"Huh? So who’s this Ponce De Leon guy? What’s the fountain of youth legend again?"
Too bad, you’re not getting that either.
"Huh? Blackbeard? Was he always into VooDoo?"
Probably, you’ll have to take our word for it! Now shut up, there’s action on the screen!
"Huh? Killer mermaids?"
"Huh?? Why the hell is there a romance between the priest and the abomination of god?"
"Huh?? Why is the Fountain of Youth so friggin elaborate?"
"Huh?? Did they just find the chalices in a video game item pick-up box?"
I really don’t know why I expected anything other than shit from this movie. Disney has proven time and time again that the only people in their employ that know how to make engaging and interesting sequels is PIXAR.
The thing about sequels, is that you already know the characters. Character building is pretty much over…sure you can have them grow some, but whatever you are going to feel about these characters, you’ve come to that conclusion in the first film. Now, what you’re looking for, is these characters you already love in new exciting adventures! Perhaps meet new characters that oppose them, or outshine them? The point is, you want your sequel to have the characters doing something worth your time.
DIE HARD 3 is a prime example. You have a character everybody already knows and loves, only now he is forced to cooperate with a man that’s just as profane, angry, and bull headed as he is. If that’s not interesting enough, instead of an office building…he has an entire city to save!! Successful sequel.
What does this movie do? You have a character that has become wildly played out, and does nothing new or anything interesting at all. He exists mostly as a plot device for other characters while they search for something you have not been given enough information about to care sufficiently about while along the way too many things that make no sense happen to the extent where at the end all these elements come together in a big conflict that you feel nothing for. Terrible sequel.
In the end…this movie was a money printer for Disney, nothing more. They don’t care if it’s good, they just want something to make money…a movie where you dress Johnny Depp up as a pirate in exotic locations will make you money.
On a more personal note, I would like to say “Fuck you Disney.” You just HAD to pick some obscure, multi-region encoding process for your DVD to save you a little bit of money didn’t you? Because of you I had to spend nearly half a fucking hour updating the firmware on my Blu-Ray player. What are you Nintendo?? Stop being so fucking cheap by making everything you put out multi-regional. I live in America…excuse me if I don’t want a video game booklet, or DVD case in half a dozen fucking languages. You know what I want on my video game booklets and DVD cases? INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT I JUST BOUGHT!!! But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, all I get is one tiny ass paragraph because you have to squeeze in a synopsis in Swahili!!
…ugh, where was I?
Yeah, fuck this movie. It sucks. Save your time and money on a sequel more worthy. Like DIE HARD 3!
8 years later…and I’m still convinced that this movie was a punishment from the film gods for some kind of slight. Despite years of research I have yet to determine exactly what we could have done to anger them so. Naturally my first theory was that this was retribution against mankind for “Star Wars: Episode 1.” However, current findings prove that “A Sum of All Fears” is a stronger candidate. I will have a better idea once the labwork from my tears come back.
In any event, this is the movie that fails in every way possible. It fails as a Resident Evil movie, it fails as a Zombie movie, and it fails as a movie int he most basic sense of the term.
Where to begin? Well, personally, I would like to clear my good name by saying that this movie is my mother’s…she bought it and when I moved out, somehow it found its way into my DVD collection instead of hers. In no way would I own this atrocity otherwise.
Ok, enough nerd rage…ok maybe one more…REALLY??? KICKBOXING NEMESIS?????
Ok, ok…I really don’t know where to begin with this movie? It’s just a mess all around, really. There are logic and continuity errors up the wazoo, the script is lazy, the connections to the game are completely botched, and there’s no Marylon Manson on the soundtrack.
Everything that I even kind of liked about the first movie, was lost. The respect for the game characters that we love so much is thrown out the window and we are given a piss poor excuse for a film adaptation of Jill Valentine. Carlos is just thrown in there because…well, essentially this movie was supposed to be the third game, and Carlos was in the third game so he HAS to be in it right?? Ugh…
So many things about this movie just make no sense at all, it’s mind boggling. Even the basic things, things that they establish within their own continuity are broken without any thought. It’s really like there wasn’t a single person a part of this film that gave one single fuck about it. It was a paycheck, that’s it.
The proof is in the pudding…how else would you describe the cemetery scene? “Well, it’s a zombie movie…zombies climb out of the ground right? I think I saw that on the Simpsons Halloween special. So lets have a scene in a cemetery.”
First of all, zombies haven’t done that in a movie since “Return of the Living Dead,” ok, and that was a parody of zombie films. As for the games…it only happened once, in Code Veronica, and they were shallow ass graves. Basically a thin layer of dirt just barely covering the bodies…so it made sense. Not even movie logic can explain a barely living corpse, breaking through casket (be it wood or steel), and crawling up six feet of compacted dirt and soil. It just makes no sense, and therefore no one does it you effing retards!
Then there’s the ending…where the bad guy shoots the wheelchair scientist in the head as an act of betrayal…BUT NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES LATER HE COMES BACK AS A ZOMBIE?????? Isn’t that like Zombie 101? You shoot them in the head and they are dead for good. You even fucking said it at the 7 minute mark of your own movie when you introduce Jill Valentine!!
See what I mean about it seeming like no one really gave a shit with this movie? The only thing that was done with any grace and care was the costume for Nemesis. It’s fucking perfect!! Too bad they fucked him up by making him a remote controlled toy that boxes instead of mutating into a monstrous abomination. That ending kinda writes itself doesn’t it? An epic CGI monster that is unstoppable so they call in a nuke strike? But no…end it with some Brit, a helicopter, and some shitty concept of giving Alice mind powers.
Why am I even putting myself through this torture? I could just turn it off now and spare myself the pain and aggravation of sitting through this garbage again. But then again, It’s something on in the background for me to work on my D&D campaign to…I can’t concentrate in absolute silence, and if I put on something good I won’t be able to focus. In which case, I guess…thank you Resident Evil: Apocalypse for being the cheapest white noise generator money can buy.
…you find out you’re getting almost 21 hours of overtime on your next paycheck, and despite a desperate attempt to maintain your composure you start hallucinating talking dollar signs, inviting you to dance with them in the money fountain like the opening of “Friends.”
For a moment, try to forget what the franchise has become…forget about Extinction, Afterlife, and whatever the hell the new one is…and try and focus on this one film.
If you do that, it isn’t that bad. Sure it’s not even close to the game, but when you try to remember that it’s not going to be made for video game nerds but instead the general audience, it could have been a hell of a lot worse. But then again…it could have been a hell of a lot better.
For example, my friend loves to remind me that the original script was given to George Romero and rejected because it was “too close to the first game.”
Sure if you focus on that and all the shit that has come from the sequels, of course you are going to hate this movie. To be honest, I do a little too, if only because it spawned such trash as “British Tyrant,” “Why the hell am I here Executioner,” and my friend’s favorite “10 minute Mortal Enemy Wesker.”
But I’m getting off topic. No one is here to defend the sequels…I mean, how could they? We’re here to focus on the original film only, and as I said before, it’s not that bad really.
There’s a lot to like about this movie really. They got some great actresses in here like Mila Jovavich and of course my forever love Michelle Rodriguez. Sure they’re not the game characters, but that’s what I love about this movie. It HAS no game characters. I really believe this was intentional on the filmmaker’s part. Supposedly, Anderson loves the games, and my thinking is that he knew he couldn’t possibly do the game characters right with the all the shitty studio notes he was getting, so he decided that he wouldn’t even attempt it. As a fan, I personally appreciate ditching characters all together if you couldn’t even begin to do them justice. I say Bravo for that.
The tone is a bit off, a little too high-tech sci-fi for my taste, especially for a Resident Evil movie but the main themes were there. A group of highly trained specialists, trapped in an enclosed area, swarming with zombies. So it’s got the same basic theme of the first game, which again, I can appreciate as a fan. Plus you have all the dog kennel, zombies in labcoats, and the creepy labratories…it hits the mark where it needs to.
The zombies are kept pure too. No running zombies here! I’m sure I’ve stated my hatred for the “running zombies” concept before in my review for Dawn of the Dead, so you can imagine how refreshing it is for me to have a classic slow-zombie Resident Evil movie.
Finally, and best of all is the score. I freaking love what Marylon Manson did here. It’s creepy, ominous, and just plain unsettling at times. Watching the special features you get a brief bit of him talking about the whole process of his music, and how he likes to see how different frequencies effect people. He was a brilliant choice for what the movie ended up being.
Aside from those points there’s not much more special about this film. The special effects are 90’s standard, dialogue is agreeable, and you actually like some of the characters which is shocking since many are going in expecting Jill and Chris.
Moral of the story, it was an acceptable adaptation. It’s no SILENT HILL, but it’s no MARIO BROTHERS either. I wouldn’t spend any more than $10 on it for Blu-Ray, $5 for DVD, if you feel compelled to buy it at all.