I had a bit of a shaking of confidence and self identity this morning. I came to the shocking realization that am the only company man in a group of independent film makers, and that even my ambitions lay more in line of working for someone else as opposed to myself.
I started to question why was that? That for some reason I SHOULD be looking for a more “legitimate art,” and for a while, I was starting to question if I should be here in the first place.
But then I remembered the people I met last night from other classes, true Hollywood folk. They are camera assistants and the like, and they are just as equally welcome here as the truly artistic driven folk.
So why am I feeling self conscious about my own ambitions? How is what I plan on doing with my talents any less legitimate, and furthermore, any less artistic than independent feature documentaries? Why should I be feeling guilty about doing something that I enjoy? Why should I feel like I should be doing anything else than what I want to do?
I shouldn’t…and no one was saying that I should, other than my own severely yo-yo-ing level of self confidence.
The fact of the matter is this. I enjoy the format I work in. I enjoy what I do. Historical documentaries and television documentaries are just as legitimate as anything else, provided the person working on them has real talent. In my mind it boils down to this…
I have no ability or desire to be Superman…instead, I fully intend to be the best damn Clark Kent I can possibly be.
And there’s nothing at all wrong with that.