Posts tagged TV

So, my buddy and I fixed the season six debacle of SUPERNATURAL over the weekend. Beware!!! Spoilers lie ahead!!

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…ok, we start with the season 5 finale. We still end with a lingering shot of Dean having dinner with Lisa and Ben. Outside we pull back to see same watching from outside. The scene goes silent. And for a brief moment, Sam gives up a bittersweet smile before fading away into nothing…this glimpse of happiness his reward for selflessly sacrificing himself to seal the devil into the pit.

Season 6 brings the show back to it’s roots. Dean starts getting restless. Demons are running all over the globe, and he yearns to once again help people in need. But he needs a partner…who better than Castiel, who is still none to welcome in heaven for playing an instrumental part of Michael being cast into the pit. Together, Cas and Dean roam the country hunting, a welcome treat of episodic storylines after nearly three seasons of heavy story.

About halfway through the season, Dean catches wind of something that may be able to bring Sam back, and is driven to obsession.

There CW…was that so hard? No dumb dragons and fae creatures, no incomprehensible storyline, no awkwardness…too little too late now I suppose.

Watching FOX for the first time in…literally years…and the promos for their programs remind me why.

There’s a new SLEEPY HOLLOW tv show apparently. Not only did they, shot for shot, rip off the “heads will roll” thing drom the Tim Burton mocie trailers, but the show as a whole looks like the worst thing ever….like….literally.

…at one point the headless horseman weilds an assault rifle…nuff said

So, I’m home today on a snow/sick day and decided it was about time I watch more of this show, having thus far only seen all but 15mins of the pilot…9 hours later I powered through the entire first season because…well, I’m sick and have shit better else to do.

I gotta say, I really can’t imagine watching this show on a week-installment. The story is very messy and goes places that eventually don’t go anywhere significant at all.

Without giving spoilers I can tell you very little except this…if you are expecting a big climactic wrap up you are going to be sorely disappointed.

The show introduces topics and plot lines that carry a lot of weight to them…and yet, in the end are mostly meaningless.

Or better yet, the show can be summed up as follows…

No consequences, whatsoever.

I’m serious…it’s infuriating.

A character dies tragically after showing great insight into the goings on…the only other character who is impacted does nothing but cry about it and said dead character is the only one in the entire show to not become a ghost. (And before you cry SPOILER FOUL, it’s a mini series on modern day cable, everyone dying is not exactly a shocker.)

Hints of the anti-christ are introduced…the idea is largely ignored and forgotten through several episodes up until the last scene in the finale.

A character is an accomplice to a murder…when someone finally cares enough to show up and start asking questions (again several episodes later), the ,matter is quickly resolved, killing all drama and conflict in the plot.

Several characters up and unceremoniously disappear…

Character motives and personalities change wildly…

In the end, the show is horribly flawed and fails as an acceptable offering for FX standards of TV. Especially when you compare it to the likes of JUSTIFIED, which is far from perfect but is at least reliable with storytelling.

There are some great pieces of this show. Little stories (mostly filler and flashback tales) that ,make me think this would have been soooooo much better as an episodic paranormal investigatory show with an overarching plot…like SUPERNATURAL.

Sadly, that’s not the case.

No amount of showering will remove the shame of that last HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER episode…

Watching season 7 of HIMYM on Netflix and noticing a ton of things I missed on broadcast that add so much to the show. Considering how many call backs and continuity based jokers there were already this season…that’s damn impressive. Here’s a short list of things so far…

-Conan O’Brian background cameo
-In a flash forward scene to 2015, you never get a good look at Barney’s left hand (aka where most wear a wedding band)
-When Lily stuffs Marshall into the car so Barney can take him in Atlantic City, you can see him disguised as an old Sea Captain in the background

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT is on the Instant Watch now…and all I can think is, “Oh dear god, that show is still on? And has received enough seasons to be put up on Netflix?”

Allow me to explain…RULES OF ENGAGEMENT is quite possibly the most heartbreaking experience with TV I’ve had in recent memory. The first three seasons are something that very few have been able to rival in my mind as far as comedy and cast chemistry  are concerned.

It was simple, it was funny, and it worked just fine the way it was. Sure no one watched it, and it almost got cancelled a few times…but you know what? I would have been fine with that. Three flawless seasons are more than most can ask for.

But no…they had to go and write the Timmy character as a new cast addition. Then, all hell broke loose.

Season four takes such a sharp and drastic nosedive I have only been able to stomach a single episode of it. It was so bad, I didn’t even finish the season. Every episode just got worse and worse and worse.

Why? Because it became the Russel and Timmy show.

Instead of allowing Russel to remain the “single” representative in the show, give him a character arch, let him grow, and derive comedy from this…they basically turned him into a cartoonishly unrealistic character who’s sole purpose was to provide Timmy a juxtaposition so that he can be the “straight man.”

Everything they had Russel do was stupid, shallow, 2-Dimensional, and worse yet…unfunny.

What happened to Jeff and Audrey storylines? Or to a lesser extent, Adam and Jennifer? The show was always more centered on these characters with Russel along for cheap laughs. Why you would make him a central focus is beyond me.

So do yourself a favor, watch seasons 1 through 3 on the Instant Watch and “Atlantic City” episode from season 4…it’s the only good one. Stop there, yell “CANCELLED” at the TV screen and watch something else.

Oh Matthew Perry…you are so funny, so underrated, and yet you have such a hard time getting new shows off the ground.

I love Matthew Perry, for so many reasons, and when I saw the promo for this show I was so excited, because it actually looked quite good. Like…really good. Far better than anything else he’s been in recently.

So when I watched the Pilot Preview on XBox Live, I was crushed. It was terrible. And the worst part was, it didn’t have to be. You could see the makings of a great show in there. The script was actually quite good, it was interesting, the only real problem was that it felt like we were starting in the middle of a story as opposed to the beginning. We didn’t get to know the character before he was placed into the situation, so they had little to no emotional impact…but I’ll get to that. The biggest problem lies in two things…the format choice and the direction.

I’ll start with the direction first because I need to rant about this. Matthew Perry CAN act. I’ve seen him do it many times before, and he’s quite good at it. But in this show…he’s not at the top of his game, and for that I blame the director. Why? Well, no one else was terribly good either. With the material here, Matthew could really shine, give him a chance to stretch his legs a bit from straight comedy…but no, instead the director decides to just phone it in. Tell everyone to do “whatever,” and not really give a shit about the result. That much is abundantly clear.

But the biggest problem in my opinion is the choice of format, that being a 23 minute quirky comedy. This tanks the show more than anything else. It’s really not a comedy, well it is, but with the premise behind it it is very much a DRAMATIC Comedy. And if AMC has taught us anything, Dramas need to be in the 42 minute category. You need that time for character development, exposition, dialogue, and dramatic pauses and montages. A 23 minute format isn’t going to cut it, and the proof lies in this pilot episode.

Something was missing…it was like we were thrown into the middle of something. We weren’t fully familiar with the character before he was tossed into therapy, so it really didn’t have any kind of connection with the audience at all. We had no idea who the character was as a person before he was put into a situation that would test his character. Great moments between characters were lost because they had to be cut way down for time. It all seemed so rushed. With no time to develop a situation fully, how are we supposed to get the total impact of the payoff? The answer is, we won’t.

Who knows, maybe the show can recover. Pull some kind of miracle, ditch the terrible director…but sadly, that’s is far from likely. They don’t re-work TV anymore. If it’s not successful off the bat, they abandon it. End of story. Which is sad, because this could be a great show. Unfortunately, as far as I have seen, it looks like Matthew shouldn’t bank on this regular paycheck for long.

I watched “Blackwater” from season two of GAME OF THRONES, and although the episode was very good, I still don’t approve of all the shit they changed. Especially on the heels of season one which was word for word the first book, literally in some parts word for word.

Then comes season two…

Dany’s dragons get kidnapped??
King of Qarth???
No Meera, Jojen OR Ramsey Snow??
Jon Snow knows everything??
The Hound is suddenly a nice guy???

Seriously HBO, you better step it up for season 3…nudity and Peter Dinklage will only get you so far. Especially with me…I’m not 17 anymore, tits no longer give you an instant pass. They are lovely yes, but I’m far more interested in character exposition thank you. So give the whores some clothes and let me hear Tyrion and Varys talk some more.

I’m unfortunately at the point where all the best is behind me. I’ve finished season one and season two is the only option for visual Fire and Ice stimulations…and my next book to read is FEAST OF CROWS which I hear is pretty much: “No one you want to hear about and Cersei Lannister.”

This feels like DEXTER all over again…

The last book was mediocre at best, sloppy, inefficient in it’s story telling, with an ending that is suspiciously close to that of a particular James Bond novel, and I haven’t given the show my attention since they killed Rita…and from what I hear, I’m not missing much either.

At least CASTLE is proving to be consistently enjoyable in both book and TV format.

Are you guys watching ANIMAL PLANET right now? Because you fucking should be!!

I seriously can’t stop laughing…it’s getting to the point where I can’t even hear the program anymore over my own hysterity. 

Some special called “MERMAIDS: THE BODY FOUND.” I am not even kidding. It’s a modern day encarnation of one of those FOX specials they used to do in the 90’s where some magnificent bastard decides to make a super fake, but super serious documentary about some found footage that has to do with bigfoot or aliens…only it’s 2012 and it’s fucking mermaids.

The best part of all this is that we have the gift of social media, so we can witness this mass trolling AND it’s effects in real time!! Be warned though, there are a surprising amount of people that are buying this shit 100% and don’t realize what a huge joke this is.

I mean…that’s what it has to be. I’m completely convinced. It has to be the product of someone at Discovery deciding to be a complete dick and make as much fun of conspiracy theorists as possible.

So here’s the downlow in case you don’t have cable…

According to this “documentary,” the Navy was testing some super secret new kind of Sonar that instantly kills aquatic life for some reason. In the midst of mass beachings, they find other things. Long story short…mermaids. Now here is where it gets brilliant. The Navy is holding one of these mermaids in live capture in some facility to study and covering it up as a mass conspiracy.

The “footage” they display, and yes, they say that it is REAL FOOTAGE and not re-enactments, is laughably fake. So fake, it HAS to be intentional, only further supporting my theory that there is a bunch of executives laughing their ass off right now all the way to the bank. It’s the kind of fake where the frame moves, but the supposed mermaid body stays in the same spot…aka, drag and drop special effects.

I don’t know whether to love this program or be infuriated. I’m inclined to feel both ways. On the one hand, I love the fact that such an obvious troll got broadcast on national television. On the other, I’m super pissed, because it only fuels the stupidity of people already prone to think with their asses as opposed to their heads.

At any rate, stop reading this and watch it now, thank me later.

In my opinion FACT OR FAKED would be far more entertaining of they introduced a new “expert” to the cast. An expert in common sense.

Preferably a Boston Rob, who just spends the entire time point out how retarded everyone is for believing this shit…

Chi-Lin: Today I have a big foot video!

Boston Rob: That ain’t Bigfoot. It’s a frigging asshole in a monkey suit.

Chi-Lin: How can you be sure?

Boston Rob: First of all Bigfoot lives in the forest. Secondly the guy is making every effort to copy the Patterson film in every way, he keeps looking at the camera, and he moves towards the camera in a path that gives him the longest possible exposure to the camera…you frigging idiot.