Posts tagged rants
Posts tagged rants
I’ve been thinking a lot lately, that I’ve been working way too much.
Even right after my “vacation” I got right back into it. Right to the point where I can’t remember a time (stretching back to even before said vacation) where I went a day when my internal thoughts kept saying
But then I think to myself.
Sure, you’ve been working a lot lately…but what’s the alternative? Say no?
Even if you did. What would you do? You’re single, and an atrocious homebody. You’d just end up like you were on vacation. Doing house work and making yourself chores so you weren’t bored. And even then you were still bored part of the time.
What I need to do is find a balance. Maybe even pass up some overtime hours to my co-worker. Or, give up overtime pay to take a day off every now and then. And when I have this time off, make sure I have a plan of what I want to do.
Or, you know, god forbid I start seeking dating options that aren’t via a website that’s mostly populated with people who are single for a reason.
But then again, maybe this fatigue is biological? I don’t know. It’s been a while since my physical. Even then, I don’t know what it could be. I make sure I have plenty of protein in the morning for breakfast. I drink coffee (perhaps too much). And I get at least 7 hours of sleep.
At any rate, from the looks of it I’ll be working for the third weekend in a row tomorrow (Fridays count in my book as working on vacation) and I’m working again next Saturday. The money helps make it somewhat worthwhile, but with all my debts pretty much either paid or manageable it all goes into the savings anyways. Yay, fun.
I know…I know…I just bought Metroplex. But that was from saving for well over a month. If I bought him outright with my overtime money I would feel so self conscious and guilty it’s not even funny. For some reason I care what people think about how I spend my money. Even though I’m far more responsible with it than others my age. Go figure.
But you know what I mean. Money is only a motivating force if you get to do something with it. And while I’d much rather be responsible with my money than reckless, money is starting to lose it’s drive to get me through all this overtime I’m working.
I know I should feel lucky I have a job. And trust me, I’m not complaining. I count my blessings every day.
I don’t know.
I’m just rambling now.
I really hate suggested ads…
Nevermind the fact that it’s kinda creepy that the internet knows my shopping habits. It always happens that I visit a site ONE TIME to search for something and all of a sudden they are all over my facebook and google search pages.
And it’s never in a way that’s flattering on myself.
I did ONE search on amazon for Johnny Walker Blue, just to see how much it was for the sake of a conversation at the time. And for weeks all of my suggested ads made me look like a raging alcoholic.
I go back on OKCupid…and suddenly I’m bombarded by claims that “hot sexy singles” are in my area. Or worse yet “Hot Sexy Christian Girls.” First of all, I’m atheist…ok internet? Get your audience right. Secondly, I highly doubt any Christian girls are feeling “hot and sexy.” I mean, who knows, they could be. But it kind of flies in the face of the whole purity in christ thing.
Right now I’m starting to get ads for Hobby Link Japan based on my search for Kyoryuger merchandise on their site. But of course, those aren’t the products they advertise for me. No…they feel content to plaster pvc statues of half-naked, absurdly endowed, anime women.
Yup…I’m quite certain the internet want’s me to look as bad as possible to anyone using my computer.
Yaaaaaaaaay day-long headache.
Despite this it was a pretty damn good day! Yummy breakfast and Nightvale with Pookie02 and friends, then warwick with Mom where we shopped at Whole Foods (yum), but I believe it was the absolutely massive package store that did me in.
Three aisles of Craft Beer…on both sides!! So, what? 6 or 7 shelves worth??? Oh lordy…
Snagged myself an ale from Britain, and a Porter from Scottland.
On top of all that, I have some pretty badass plans coming up. On Tuesday my buddy Bill and I are going to do a makeshift Blood and Ice Cream Trillogy. Basically, because CT sucks balls and doesn’t have one going on in theaters, we are going to watch SAUN OF THE DEAD and HOTT FUZZ at my house before heading out to WORLDS END.
Then on Wednesday, Pookie02 is coming over and she, Rich, Bill and I are going to marathon some New Vegas and then…I’m making the best thing I can think of at the moment….Taco Pizza.
Oh, and then tommorow I get to see my aunt and uncle I haven’t seen for years! YAY!
I love watching these ghost/alien/monster witness account shows on TV. Mostly because it’s so much fun to make fun of these people and their stories…I know, I’m an asshole. But come on, you have to admit, some of these crazies are quite entertaining.
My favorite is when they say “I know what I saw.”
Clearly, you don’t. If you did, you would be on TV telling everyone it was a Lizardman that knocked over your garbage cans and not…you know…a raccoon, which is far more probable.
It also doesn’t help that the super low-budge special effects of these shows does nothing for their credibility. Call me unfair if you must, but I’m not exactly inclined to believe a poorly CGIed alien attacked your family farmhouse in the middle of the night.
I dunno…maybe the people on these shows aren’t actually crazy. Maybe they just know the score and create some bullshit story to make a quick buck. I mean, it’s a pretty smart move these days. There’s so many of these garbage shows out there, and the fact of the matter is, people don’t care anymore about what’s real or what’s not. All these “reality” shows that are actually scripted? The “Mermaids” documentary?
The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced this is the case…or at least hope so. Because the fact of the matter is that they either are doing this for money or attention, or saw something ordinary and decided to see what they wanted to see out of it.
This weekend was no is bueno. I’m ashamed to say I succumbed to overwhelming self pity and decided a “I don’t really fucking care anymore” attitude was acceptable.
So, I binged…on many things. I ate whatever struck my fancy, spent endless hours on the couch doing absolutely nothing else aside from marathonning Simpsons episodes, and worse yet, I drank everything my friends put in front of me.
Healthy right? At least it was beer, and not anything hard, still…I’m not exactly happy with that decision.
I hate getting drunk nowadays, and actively avoid it if I can. Of course, when I’m in a woe is me mood, all bets are off.
Ugh. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I’ve got a business trip coming up next week, hopefully that’ll get me back on track.
Been doing a lot of introspective lately…mostly trying to change bad habits and some of the destructive ways my mind works.
It’s slowly starting to sink in that I’m 28 years old and my career still has no clear goal or focus.
Thankfully I have a secure enough position that I don’t have to worry for at least a year or so. But still it kind of scares me that I still have no idea what I really want to do for the rest of my life.
All are viable options for me…but no single one has really jumped out as a clear front runner…or something I can guarantee is a reasonable aspiration for one reason or another (money being the primary.) Nor is any single one something I’m positive I’d be happy doing for the rest of my life.
…like I said. I have time to figure it out, but I was hoping by this point in my life Is at least have some idea as to what I’d prefer.
Oh my god…I effing hate the new samsung keyboard. I don’t know what they did…but ever since Jelly Bean downloaded the spell correction thing has been all screwed up. No matter what word I have currently selected, if I choose to replace it with one of the “corrected” words above…
Everything previously written gets deleted and replaced with a single word. I’ve lost entire blog posts that way. Its goddamn infuriating and the only real complaint I have with the otherwise outstanding android OS.
Because it’s bitch session day apparently… Would someone like to tell me where the fucking logic is in stopping me from performing a task the right way to begin with in favor of a process that adds an additional step, and requires me to put a halt to all productivity to achieve the SAME EXACT RESUSLTS?????!!!
I haven’t been feeling myself lately…or at least ky new self. That’s the problem I think.
I’ve gotten so comfortable with my girlfriend I’m afraid I’ve gotten too comfortable. She makes me feel like I can be myself and she’ll love me no matter what. And what I fear is happening is the old me…the less desirable me, is fighting through his restraints.
I’ve fought long and hard to remake myself. I hated who I was…I still do. I was a neurotic, impulsive, insecure, socially inept, mess…someone who in no way deserves the kind of woman I’m with now…or any woman for that matter.
Recently I’ve been feeling the neurosis creeping back, as well as my social ineptitude, my insecurities, and a few impulses as well. And today, I finally broke. For no good reason at all I snapped and had a complete neurotic attack, freaked out my gf, and am not sitting here terrified and with a complete loathing of myself.
How could I let that happen? I’ve had at least some reasonable control over these even at my worst moments in the past. Am I that insecure and untrusting that I’m terrified some stupid little thing means the end of an adult relationship?
I probably ahould see a therapist…I certainly have enough issues to justify it. But I’m just cheap enough to say “screw it” and make a not-so-anonymous tumblr post.
…oddly enough it does help. Although really, I should be talking like this with my gf and not a bunch of strangers on the internet. …why can’t I? When ever we get close to talking about anything real I shut down and my brain completely locks up. I forget what words are and an overwhelming veil of terror covers me.
The first step is admitting you have a problem right? I been stuck on step one for years now struggling to move forward…a road map to step two would be nice.
The worst thing is that none of this is fair to her. The first few months I was giving her this promise of the kind of man I was only to fall apart in front of her eyes.
…I should probably get back to work. Sorry tumblr, we’re out of time. See you next session…I’ll make another appointment on the way out.
I always feel awkward on Easter…I am an athiest, and I don’t have kids…and even if I did it’s like…why?
Happy Early Onset Diabetes Day!!
I dunno…sure there’s the whole family side to it but even then that’s a stretch for me. Do we really need a conveluted Halloween 2 to bring us together as families?
Now I’m not knocking the religous angle. If you are religous it’s completely different. But…I just don’t get the holiday without it.
Christmas is different. I can celebrate Christmas as a non secular holiday. I see Christmas as a family ritual. A big way to end the year with love and thanks to the people who have supported you throughout the year.
…I just don’t get anything like that with Easter. I dunno…